blaze
Junior Member
Yeah im a freakin regigigas,absol,salamence and sceptile hybrid. SO WHAT!!!???
Posts: 38
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Post by blaze on Mar 16, 2010 16:47:24 GMT -5
Wall o story here, very long
Chapter 1, Awkward Reunion
The rain was throbing down on the roof of Mike's bedroom, not that he would have noticed, and the darkness would have been enough to send someone to sleep on a good day.But today had certainly not been a good day! His eyes were heavy and his body was tired but his mind kept racing."Mike theres someone at the door for you" His mother called up the stairs.
Mike trudged his body down the steps one at a time "thud, thud, thud" the stairs went after every footfall,nearly tripping on his orange and blue scarf. He was so tired. "After I see to this visitor i'm gonna sleep" he thought to himself, though he doubted he would ever get to sleep with the events of the last 2 days in his mind. However the tiredness wore off when he saw the pale figure standing at the front door!
"Alex?" Mike stuttered in utter disbelief.But the figure at the door had the exact same body,face,fur,and even scarred ear."yes Mike,we need to talk" That one sentence was enough to tell Mike why he was here, he was here about Lucy.Yes that was it, Alex was like a big brother to her and Mike was suddenly feeling very nervous. "dont feel so afraid Mike.Im not here to make you express your undying love for Lucy,I just wanna talk about it."
Mike was suddenly very relieved,he was sure Alex was going to hurt him, but then again Alex had never even shouted at his mother when he was growing up, let alone hurt anyone, He had bought a ragged loking red metal sword to scare people,but he had never had to use it. "right, you'd better come in" Mike said as he led the white furred Manx through to his bedroom.
Now that he thought about it, Alex did look quite intimidating to Mike, his white fur so much brighter than Mike's grey fur, but the black mark on the lower half of his right leg and left ear,which had half of it bitten off by a dog about 7 years ago, gave the impression of a dark past, and now he was sitting and staring at him from across the room,the bright blue pupils reaching into his soul, as if looking for something.
They just sat there in silence, 10 minutes had past before Alex finally said, "Look pal, I know what is happening." and Mike's heart suddenly started racing, his mind was screaming "Run!" but he was holding his ground and eventually replied "I know that you will have her version of the story but just listen to me." Then he was cut off by the sound of his mobile ringing.
Mike was relieved by this break in the tension, he reached for his bedside table and clicked the phone on, he looked at the screen and saw it was Tess, he put the phone to his ear and said "Hi Tess" Then his face lost all colour, his grey fur seemed to turn white for a split second. "Tess please calm down I have a visitor and i have to go" then colour returned "ok ok bye" And he clicked the phone off.
Mike sat down on the bed and turned back to Alex only to see him with his head in his hands, he slowly lifted it and said "I haven't even spoke to Lucy yet, i got back 30 minutes ago and happened to walk past Paulos house, she was pouring her heart out to him and sobbing her eyes out,I saw them walk upstairs,I then walked into a girl called tess" Then he stopped and looked Mike in the eyes "This girl, Tess, who is she, because she told me everything!"
"Mike this is beyond Sandy, shes about 300 miles away and keeps avoiding you. I should know, I've had to live in the same house as her for god knows how long." Mike looked heart-broken to this news, Sandy was avoiding him?! how long has this been for, why was she avoiding him, gah it was all too hard, Mike opened his mouth to speak but Alex stood up and simply handed him a cd,then turned for the door. Before he walked out he said "Just listen to it, I recorded it back in the summer, I got it into the charts and into the top 20, when i decided to make a cd i had you and Lucy in mind, you make such a good couple, why throw it away?" Alex walked out the room and headed down the stairs, while walking he said "just think of Lucy when you listen to it, see ya in school tomorrow!" Then descended out to the darkness!
Mike fell backwards on to his bed, "what was that?!" he thought "when did he return, WHY did he return?!" Mike then looked at the cd cover, it read "Cant fight this feeling (anymore)" Mike laughed at the subtleness of the name then opened the case and took the cd out,the cd had a picture of Mike and Lucy hugging and holding hands. Mike thought "oh god why me" Then placed the cd in his stereo and the music started "I cant fight this fee-ling any lon-ge-r, but yet im still a-fraid to let it flo-w, what star-ted out as friendship has grown stron-g-g-er" Then Mike burst into tears and fell asleep.
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blaze
Junior Member
Yeah im a freakin regigigas,absol,salamence and sceptile hybrid. SO WHAT!!!???
Posts: 38
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Post by blaze on Mar 16, 2010 16:56:05 GMT -5
Chapter 2, The shadow at the Window
Lucy awoke feeling down, her legs throbbed and so did her head, a dark thought passed through her mind. But it passed almost as quickly as it came, she used all her strength to haul herself out of her bed,fix her pink bow to her fur, then looked at her clock, it read 3:00, "great, 6 hours till school, I'll never get back to sleep" she walked over to the window and saw a dark figure standing there, looking up at her.Lucy froze, petrified of what this figure was, her white fur was standing on edge.The figure pointed a finger to the floor then walked to lucy's door and knocked 3 times.
Lucy slowly trudged down the stairs,trying not wake her parents and opened the door to let the stranger in, they were wearing a hood and looked very intimidating, "yes?" Lucy whispered, and to her astonishment the stranger pulled down their hood and spoke with a soft tone "hey lil sis, wanna come for a walk?"
"Alex?!" Lucy screeched before running into his arms,tears of joy forming in her bright blue eyes. She had cried so much today but yet had more on the way." when did you get back? You have no idea how much I've missed you!" Lucy said with tears streaming down her face. "hey hey hey, come on no crying,sis." Alex pleaded "actually what im here to talk about will probably send you to tears again anyway so..." And with that sentence, Lucy grabbed the key from the hall table,walked out and shut the door "ok lets talk"
"Lucy I know you love mike, I've known since kindergarten when you punched me in the face for asking about him." Alex said picking at the grass. "now you cant say its not true." Lucy was sitting on the grass with her head in her hands, she wasn't ready to talk to anyone else about it, but this wasn't anyone else, this was Alex, one of the few individuals on the planet that loved her. He was like a big brother to her, even though they were the same age, she thought for a second, tears forming again then said to the white furred Manx "Its too late for that now, I admitted it to his face and now he hates me. I'd say that its a bad idea for me to even be near him now!"
Alex patted Lucy's head,then stood up and reached into his bag and pulled out another cd. Then handed it to Lucy then said "Right I know we have only been out here for about 10 minutes, but its school tomorrow, and I've been stuck on a plane for 2 hours." Then helped Lucy up. "Come on lets go back."
"Alex what's this cd?" Lucy asked looking at the cover "did you record this?" Alex looked at her and smiled. "No I didnt but i would like to make a cover of it someday, its a song called "this aint a love song" and I think its beautiful" Alex explained as they approached Lucy's house "Well here we are, see ya tomorrow" Alex said smiling,then turned and walked away
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blaze
Junior Member
Yeah im a freakin regigigas,absol,salamence and sceptile hybrid. SO WHAT!!!???
Posts: 38
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Post by blaze on Mar 16, 2010 16:56:37 GMT -5
Chapter 3, Sanguine,my Brother
The morning skies were a bright blue without any clouds to spoil the view, schoolkids were walking to and fro while chatting. Paulo awoke to find himself on the floor of his bedroom "dang, again!" he thought as he picked himself up, he shook his red fur and yawned. He rubbed his eyes and looked at his clock, the time read 7:15 am. "Dad!" He called down the stairs "wheres my comb?" "on the floor in the bathroom!" his father called back. Paulo ran to the bathroom and started frantically brushing his tail. once finished he brushed his teeth and ran downstairs to make himself some toast.He picked up his toast and walked out munching.
The walk to school was relatively simple, same streets, same houses, but something seemed different, the lights at house #26 were on for the 1st time in years Paulo stopped to wonder about this oddity but couldn't contain his curiosity and walked up to the door, then knocked 3 times.Paulo had never seen the lights at #26 on and was also curious to who lived there.The door opened and a white furred Manx with a dark patch on his ear and right leg stood looking at him "Paulo? how did you know where I lived?"
Paulo was surprised to find Alex standing at the door in front of him, Alex left 5 years ago with sandy and was the only thing keeping Lucy sane during kindergarten. Paulo was too shocked to talk, he just stood there, eyes wide, jaw dropped, until Alex finally said "ok then, lets get to school" and walked off, Paulo hastily followed.
"I bet your surprised to see me, eh" Alex laughed and looked at his watch "I got back yesterday night, 1st thing i went to do was see Mike, I passed your house on the way." Paulo nodded his head "I guess your wondering about what Lucy was doing there." Alex smiled "Always were a mind reader weren't we Paulo" then he laughed, this made Paulo a bit aggitated, his red fur seemed to shake "We've been friends for what seems like an age, do you not trust me Alex?! All she did was vent her sadness out to me,dont get me wrong i did want to bone her, like damn straight" Alex smiled at this "Ok im sorry Paulo" Then he stuck his hand out "Friends?" Paulo returned a smug grin than reached out to shake hands. "Ok man, now come on you gotta meet Tess!"
Bittersweet High was decorated with paintings and drawings by students, the long twisty hallways were all patterned with doors either side, eventually when Paulo had finished showing Alex the rooms and got his schedule, he showed Alex to the dining hall which was bustling with activity, in the middle was a huge table with 7 kids sitting at it,Paulo hastily ran over and sat down,then signalled for Alex to come over, Alex started to walk over to the table but accidentally bumped into someone,spilling their food all over the floor!
"Oh man im so sorry, how much was that?" Alex Asked reaching for his wallet, however the Dark furred figure replied "What colour is the night sky?" Alex looked puzzled "Umm thats a wierd thing to ask, now do you want me to pay for this?" But the figure replied again "What colour is the night sky?" Alex thought about it and had heard that question asked before in Maraschano then replied "Sanguine,my Brother!" The figure lifted her head and grinned "welcome home Brother" Then leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, afterwards she handed him a note and walked off. "Hey Alex come on!" Mike and Paulo both shouted, Alex smirked and walked over to the table.
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blaze
Junior Member
Yeah im a freakin regigigas,absol,salamence and sceptile hybrid. SO WHAT!!!???
Posts: 38
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Post by blaze on Mar 16, 2010 16:57:01 GMT -5
Chapter 4, The Black Hand
Lucy sat under the big oak tree of Bittersweet high drinking milk, she had to avoid Mike, it would be to awkward to see him now, not after yesterday. She was thinking about what was going on at the table when an orange furred Abyssinian walked up to her and said "You can't avoid him forever Lucy, you'll have to talk to him about it soon." Lucy looked at the Abyssinian and replied "Oh Abbey you dont undertsand, you're a boy, you dont understand anything, just like that jerkface Mike" Lucy felt tears welling up inside and ran off before Abbey saw her cry, Abbey just stood watching the sobbing Lucy run off into the distance, and felt useless...
"Aghh stupid Abbey!" Lucy thought with her legs moving as fast as they could, why did he have to be there? Lucy kept running until she reached the gate to English 101, once there she threw open the door and ran inside.The room was dark and eerie, the only light came from the windows and even then it looked dim, the room was never used anymore and was the perfect place to go in the school if you wanted to be alone. Lucy placed her bag on the floor and sat down, the events of the last 2 days had left her emotionally tired and lost her a best friend but Paulo had been a real help to her. She still felt bad about what she had done to him, but kissing Paulo had helped her stop crying about Mike. She just didnt want it to mean anything.
"RIIIINGG!" The bell rung, Lucy grabbed her bag and stood up, she stretched and looked at her schedule, she had swimming, which meant a free period for Lucy. Risking her own life to save Mike's when she was younger meant she had been scarred, terrified of water. Bittersweet high staff tried to get her over it but it had resulted in Lucy nearly fainting into the pool! Lucy walked to the door, opened it and walked out. The fresh air felt good on her fur as she strolled leisurely to the oak tree. Once she got there she took off her bag and sat down again. Lucy looked at her bag and was surprised to see a black handprint on it. She looked around,left then right, and to her surprise saw Mike looking at her, his scarf blowing in the wind, an upset expression on his face. Lucy looked at his hand, it was covered what looked like red paint.
"Mike!" Lucy called "Why aren't you in lesson?" Mike started to walk away but the wind blew his scarf off and Lucy reflexively caught it in her right hand "Dont walk away from me jerkface!" Lucy was still angry at him. and he was making it worse. "Come on Mike just talk to me!" Mike walked up to Lucy and reached for his scarf, but Lucy held it away. "Not until we talk!" Mike sighed and sat down. "Fine, but please dont make me angry again!"
Mike was pretty annoyed that the girl who had rejected him a year ago had suddenly decided that she loved him, but he had sandy now, the beautiful young girl who he had taught to read and write. Lucy was staring at him with a kind of fire in her eyes as if to say "Dont leave me again!" Mike's stomach turned! This talk may decide the rest of his school years!
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blaze
Junior Member
Yeah im a freakin regigigas,absol,salamence and sceptile hybrid. SO WHAT!!!???
Posts: 38
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Post by blaze on Mar 16, 2010 16:57:29 GMT -5
Chapter 5, Pyromania
"Lucy, you know why i can't be with you, in fact, it was you that made me ask her!" Mike said with tears welling in his eyes, he always was a bit of a wimp "p-p-lease don't m-make me c-choose between y-you" He pleaded fighting back tears, he turned away to try and stop the tears, which were coming from looking at Lucy's sweet face. God! She was the only girl in his old school that hadn't asked him out. Yet in Bittersweet high, she was the only girl who had... Lucy was also trying to hold back tears, she had shed enough of them in the last few days!
Lucy was looking at Mike with a total sadness in her eyes, the one chance she had of persuading him had just gone out of the window! She turned to face him when she had an idea, if he couldn't have her because of Sandy, why couldnt Mike have both of them, she quickly dismissed that thought though, no way was she going to do that! She looked at Mike's wet face (she guessed he hadn't been able to hold back the tears) Mike was crying his heart out because of her, Lucy felt angry, with Mike, with herself and mostly with Sandy. If only she had never asked him for help, maybe then he would be with Lucy...
"Lucy please dont do this to me." Mike pleaded, he and Lucy were both emotionally tired and they had only been talking for 5 minutes, Mike buried his head in his hands. "Why do you wanna go out with me?" He lifted them out and looked at Lucy "I mean, all these years and you've said nothing." Lucy's jaw dropped, she had kissed him before, a year ago, Mike, Paulo, Sue, Lucy and a few other got lost on the train. Lucy remembered that night so well...
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blaze
Junior Member
Yeah im a freakin regigigas,absol,salamence and sceptile hybrid. SO WHAT!!!???
Posts: 38
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Post by blaze on Mar 16, 2010 16:57:53 GMT -5
Chapter 6, Did someone say "Flashback."?
The two dogs flexed their muscles. "Hey bar guy! Whats up!" Mike spoke, after deciding to get off the train, Mike had decided to try a game, eat a bowl of liquer chocolates in 10 seconds and you win $10! Mike won, but the guy who was running it had lured them into a trap, and cornered them in a dark alley. "Oh nothin, just getting my money back..." The dog spoke back!
"Huh? Money back?! But i won!" Mike protested, a cream furred Ragamuffin and Selkirk rex hybrid called Daisy cowered behind Paulo, her pearl necklace chinkling as she moved. "You were a few seconds off." the bar guy said."Easy mistake to make." the other dog added. Mike was confused "huh?" he spoke dazily. The bar guy looked over Mike's shoulder and pointed to a broken radio behind him. "That was an expensive radio.I think you all need to help pay for that as well!" Daisy was very frightened, she cowered behind paulo."P-Paulo..." she stuttered. Paulo's face went red! "Oh SHUT UP!" He screamed at the two dogs "You LOVE hearing your own voice,huh?!"
"Hmph." The bar guy grunted "You dont recognise me, do you?" This seemed to make Paulo angry again, but the bar guy simply added "Know your place kid.Please settle down." Daisy gasped as Paulo charged at the 2 dogs! "Do I have to shut you up MYSELF!" He screamed with clenched fists, he was nearly at the bar guy, about to smash his face in, anger inside him boiling away, however the other dog suddenly appeared in front of Paulo, Paulo was about to land a punch on the dogs chest, when suddenly the dog started barking! Paulo was shocked, he stopped his assault on the dogs and felt his legs tremble before him, then they fell from under him and left him lying there, at the mercy of the 2 dogs!
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blaze
Junior Member
Yeah im a freakin regigigas,absol,salamence and sceptile hybrid. SO WHAT!!!???
Posts: 38
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Post by blaze on Mar 16, 2010 16:58:24 GMT -5
Chapter 7, Pyromania (part 2)
Lucy didn't want to think about the rest of the events of that night. Paulo's fear of barking had resulted in Lucy nearly being raped, and scratched in the face, it was Mike who ended up saving her, he was drunk from the chocolates but still managed to help her, just as he always did. However, now he was crying, and it was Lucy's fault! Lucy reached out to touch mikes chin, he was still sobbing, and as she touched it, she simultaneously twisted it so he was facing her, and lifted it up so he was looking into her eyes. His jaw dropped slighly as she bent in!
It was the perfect moment, the sheer ecstacy of the whole thing mixed in with the sweetness of it all, Lucy's lips were so soft and felt so warm, Mike couldn't think of anyone else at that moment. He so wanted to break away and never look at her again, but he couldn't. Something about it made him want to stay and carry on until she stopped, but he had to think of Sandy. Her soft beautiful features, and kind and sweet nature. Mike grabbed Lucy's shoulders and looked into her eyes. Then something inside of him screamed "kiss her!" But before he could do anything, she leaned in again. and drew him into a long passionate kiss
"Stop!" Mike screamed, he wouldn't allow a kiss to make him forget about Sandy! "You think a kiss will magically make me love you?" Lucy's fire started to dwindle. "Surely you felt something in that?!" She looked Mike in the eyes, and saw he was looking into hers as well. "See, it's done something to you, i know that much!" Mike turned his head quickly, "I love you, but i can't be unfaithful to Sandy." He turned back and stroked her cheek, "You know that, dont you?"
Alex had been excused from class, he had forgotten his swimming kit, he walked to the music class, which was currently unused, the window in the dark room could show the whole school on some days, the oak tree stood tall and majestic. The tree was a favorite for lovers to sit under, and express their love for each other, but today the window showed a very VERY different pair under the tree
Mike and Lucy were kissing under the tree?! What was this about? Alex ran to the door, opened it and sprinted out, he pulled out his wallet and grabbed a wad of pictures. Then sprinted for the front door to the school, he opened the door, and ran towards the oak tree, this may be his last chance to get them together, if they weren't already...
Mike stood up to walk away, he had proved his point and couldn't look at Lucy anymore, that sweet face made him want to kiss her again, but that would be cheating, and mike didn't want to cheat on Sandy. Mike heard footsteps, in the grass, he turned sharply to the source of the sound. Alex was sprinting towards them!
"M-M-Mike, ha-have you t-two..." Alex wheezed, he stopped to get his breath. "Have you to got together or what? Cos that kiss looked quite passionate!" Alex looked at the pair of them, then at the pictures in his hand. "Mike, i don't want to show you these, but i can't hold it in anymore!" He flipped them round so they were facing Mike."Sandy has been avoiding you, and this is why." Mike looked at the pictures, they were all of Sandy...And a boy! "B-But this isn't..." Mike spluttered. "You really thought you could hold down someone who had a moddelling career over long distance?!" Alex asked. "But this really is a case of pyromania, a couple who had both been cheating on each other!"
Mike sat down and looked at the the floor. His eyes watering. Lucy put her arms around him as he weeped uncontrolably. Lucy flicked her hand at Alex, signaling for him to go, he nodded and started to walk off. As he was walking he dropped the pictures on the floor and kicked them into the ground.
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blaze
Junior Member
Yeah im a freakin regigigas,absol,salamence and sceptile hybrid. SO WHAT!!!???
Posts: 38
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Post by blaze on Mar 16, 2010 16:58:44 GMT -5
Chapter 8, Introductions, Intrductions, Introductions
For Mike, the day only got worse from there! First, Paulo was bragging about beating him in a race, then he forgot about an English project he had to finish and got screamed at for that, then he took his shoes off for gym and they got stolen! He was quite annoyed, he had no idea where he was with Lucy and he just wanted to talk to someone, so after school he grabbed a pair of shoes from the lost property box and walked to the door of #26.
As Mike approached the oak door, he heard music, he opened the letterbox and poked his whiskers through. Inside the house, Alex was sitting on the floor with a guitar, strumming the chords to the song he had gave Mike the night before. "Hey!" Mke shouted "It's me, i wanna talk."
Alex turned abruptly and looked at the letterbox, saw Mike's face and quickly stood up. He stretched, then walked and opened the door. Mike walked in slowly and sat down on the chair in the middle of the room. Alex walked over and sat next to him, Mike looked down at the floor, then finally said. "I don't know what to do man, please help me!"
Alex picked up his guitar. "You know, when im down i play myself a song." he said opening the case. "Would you like me to play you something?" Mike was looking at the guitar, it had Alex's name engraved near the base, Mike nodded. "Great!" Alex cheerily exclaimed. "Ok, im going to play a song you know, sing along!" Tears welled in Mike's eyes as the starting verse to "Cant fight this feeling" started. Mike put his head in his hands.
"Ok!" Alex said cheerily "Not the best idea i have ever had..." The door knocked. Mike took his head from his hands and turned it to the door as Alex walked over and opened it. A White furred dog stood at the door, probably an Aidi, she walked in holding a pair of shoes. "I believe these are yours." She spoke looking at Mike, the pair of shoes perfectly matched Mike's grey high tops
The dog stood holding the shoes out by the laces, her eyes fixed solely on Mike's face, Mike stood up to grab the shoesm, but as he did she moved the shoes away. Then spoke with her soft golden voice. "Not yet, first you need to follow me!" Mike became slightly angry as the Aidi ran out the door, knocking Alex aside slightly. "Go!" Alex shouted and Mike bolted out the door after the zippy little dog!
Mike was sprinting at full pelt to try and catch the little dog, but she was fast for her size! She only measured up to Mike's chin. As they were running, Mike looked around, the road they were on had Lucy's house on it. Mike looked ahead and saw she had stopped running and had started wheezing. She was bent over with her hands on her hips. Mike sprinted over to her, grabbed her with both hands and lifted her into the air!
"What's the big idea huh?!" Mike shouted shaking her around in the air. "Why did you take my shoes in the first place!" She simply smirked "Your holding my boob!" Mike looked then realized he had his hand grasping her breast, he gasped and released both hands sending her to the floor, she rubbed her back, then scowled. "Is that any way to treat a woman!?" She pointed to the house they had stopped in front of. "I was even going to help you with your woman!"
Mike looked at the dog and sighed. "You! What's your name at least?" The dog threw Mike his shoes, then brushed herself off. "I'm Luna." She walked up to the house door and knocked 3 times. "You coming?" Mike looked around, then sighed. This girl was obviously very persistant, so he gave in. Mike trudged up to the door next to her.
"Ok Mike!" Luna spoke energetically,then grabbing his hand she continued "No turning back now!" Mike's heart was pounding. He pulled all his courage together and knocked the door three times. The door slowly opened to reveal a wet faced Lucy. There were still some tears in her eyes as she started speaking. "Go away! Don't you understand how sad you have made me these past few days?!" She went to grab the door, then continued. "Just leave me alone if you wont acknowledge my feelings!"
Lucy flung the door, hoping it to slam into Mike's face. Unfortunately Lucy hadn't factored in the role of the 16 yr old dog that was with him. Her foot was wedged in between the doorand the hinge. Luna clawed the door open and poked Lucy in the shoulder! "Listen you! I stole this jerks shoes and lured him here so you two could sort something out!" Luna poked the finger harder, forcing a slight squeal from Lucy. "I'm not going to let that go to waste because of stupid teenage hormones!"
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Post by whatanamazinguser on Mar 17, 2010 16:37:21 GMT -5
and then SONIC COMES IN AND HES ALL LIKE
I SURE LOVE CHILI DOGS
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Post by SereneHeaven on Mar 17, 2010 17:06:20 GMT -5
and then SONIC COMES IN AND HES ALL LIKE I SURE LOVE CHILI DOGS AGREED
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Post by whatanamazinguser on Mar 17, 2010 17:20:15 GMT -5
and then SONIC COMES IN AND HES ALL LIKE I SURE LOVE CHILI DOGS AGREED AND THEN MIKE IS ALL LIKE WOAH SONIC HOWD YOU GET HERE THIS SURE IS SILLY AND SONICS ALL
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Post by SereneHeaven on Mar 17, 2010 17:34:11 GMT -5
AND THEN MIKE IS ALL LIKE WOAH SONIC HOWD YOU GET HERE THIS SURE IS SILLY AND SONICS ALL LOL. xD I love it.
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Post by whatanamazinguser on Mar 17, 2010 17:35:28 GMT -5
i am sorry for ruining this thread please carry on
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Post by SuitCase on Mar 18, 2010 4:25:36 GMT -5
This is actually really intense. I'll try to read through it tomorrow, and I'll make sure Taeshi sees it!
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Post by darkdaemon on Mar 18, 2010 18:14:17 GMT -5
The story's good, as far as I can tell. Two issues though: It's hard to read. I think it's partly the grammar, or maybe sentence structure (most sentences are "Noun verbe noun") but I'm having a tough time digesting this story. I think it just needs a good edit/editor.*shrug* If you want, I can work on that- fix spelling errors, stuff like that.
Second- who's Alex? I realize he's Lucy's brother, but we don't really have a good intro for him. He's not mentioned in the comic, yet everyone acts like they know him very well, which doesn't make a whole bunch of sense.
Otherwise, nice work.
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Post by whatanamazinguser on Mar 20, 2010 17:16:36 GMT -5
did i scare this user away i feel bad now
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Post by darkdaemon on Mar 21, 2010 3:54:27 GMT -5
You are a very scary person, shades. Nah, I think they're just busy. Most people have better things to do than hang out in webcomic forums all day.
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blaze
Junior Member
Yeah im a freakin regigigas,absol,salamence and sceptile hybrid. SO WHAT!!!???
Posts: 38
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Post by blaze on Mar 22, 2010 11:27:30 GMT -5
yeah i was planning to write a flashback into alex's past and explain why they know him very well, plus no i wasnt scared!!! i was...just...h-hiding under the c-couch cos i dropped my uhhhh....TACOS!!! yeah the next next chapter (2 chapters away) is the flashback and no. He is not Lucy's brother, he is LIKE a brother to her
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Post by whatanamazinguser on Mar 22, 2010 16:52:44 GMT -5
i was...just...h-hiding under the c-couch cos i dropped my uhhhh....TACOS!!! sure is wacky around here!!!!!
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blaze
Junior Member
Yeah im a freakin regigigas,absol,salamence and sceptile hybrid. SO WHAT!!!???
Posts: 38
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Post by blaze on Mar 23, 2010 15:52:40 GMT -5
Chapter 9, Feline ferocity
Lucy was stunned at this stranger's outburst, who did she think she was?! But her assertiveness was impressive. Lucy sighed,and Threw the door open to let Mike in, but quickly slammed the door before the dog could walk in! Mike sharply turned his head and smiled. Even in defeat Lucy still kept the upper hand. Mike sniggered, this was like a mad dream to him!
Lucy and Mike walked through to the front room, the room had a sky blue wallpaper and the ceiling a bright white. There was a mirror above a grand oak fireplace that was showing Lucy's face. It was sad looking, her head tilted towards the floor and her eyes half closed, her mouth was also frowning slightly, not as in the sad kind of way but as in the "This silence is boring me" kind of way, she sighed then looked up at Mike, her eyes looking straight into his. Then she spoke softly. "Ok then, have you came to your senses yet?"
Mike didn't even know why he was there, that dog must have some strange power over men. He sat down and looked at the floor. "I dont even know why i'm here." He looked up. "But no I obviously haven't came to my senses yet. As im still attracted to a girl 200 miles away who has been kissing other men!" Mike stood up. Lucys' harmless question had awoke a fiery passion inside Mike.He stood up, looking down at Lucy and spoke."Why were you at Paulos' house?!"
"Damn" Lucy thought. Paulo had been her shoulder to lean on when he had rejected her. But she had tried to force herself on him. Paulo (who was known for being a womanizer) had been gentleman enough to stop her before she did something she would regret. Lucy looked Mike in the eye, his eyes were hard and unflinching. "How do you know i was there???!!!" she blurted out quickly. Mike started to walk to the door, but Lucy intercepted him, she grabbed his arm and tugged him back into the room.
"Mike. Where did you find out i was in Paulos' house!" Lucy shouted, her voice nearly breaking at the end. Mike simply shrugged her off and said. "Lucy, I aint kept in the loop you know." His voice lowered a tone. "Alex told me. He walked past Paulos' house, its the quickest way from the airport." Mike looked Lucy in the eyes. "I dont care what happened in there!"
Luna was getting rather annoyed, her eyes were straining from looking through the window, she didn't know why she was helping this Mike boy. But he had pretty eyes, Luna giggled. Then started eyeing up a drainpipe by the window. A thought struck her like a knife through the arm. She was a theif, so why not break in, a cheesy grin stretched along her face as she started to climb the black pipe.
chapter 11 coming soon XD
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